These, for me, are the two most depressing paintings in western history. They were painted by post-impressionist Henry de Toulouse-Lautrec, a man who, due to inbreeding, was born with a genetic disorder that prevented his legs from growing after they were broken. After being so thoroughly mocked for is appearance, he became an alcoholic, which is what eventually caused his institutionalization and death. His only known romantic relations were with prostitutes.
And then he paints something like this which is so beautiful and tender and sentimental. It seems like the couple in bed really loves each other—cares about each other. Wakes up happy to look at each other. And I see that love and passion and I wonder how lonely he must have been. I wonder how he could paint something like this without it breaking his heart.
Maybe they say artists should create what they know, not because its unbelievable when they extend themselves beyond their experiences, but because when they pull it off with such elegance, it’s so damn unbearable to look at. I hate thinking of Lautrec, wondering about the lovers he created and knowing it was beyond his experience. Creating something that he knows is beautiful and knows he’ll never really understand.
Today was my last first day… I don’t know how I feel about this statement.
5:42AM — The most beautiful sunrise I have ever woken up to.
The lines and symmetry in this though. It’s pornographic
I need to get my nails did again
Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe.
I absolutely needed to read that.
Sometimes body modification is just a way of telling yourself “this is still my house, I paint the walls and and I hang the art because I’m the one who owns it”
I’M LITERALLY A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE ONLINE OKAY I STILL KNOW YOU EXIST AND I STILL LOVE YOU I JUST AM A PIECE OF SHIT OKAY